Ikalis' chapter has a bit of a information dump that became a little boring to read. I would have to say after mentioning no-mans-land between the canine and barbarian kingdoms things take a dip rather quickly. If the information is relevant to the story keep it in. But if it isn't relevant then best to not mention it at all. For example I am assuming you told us about this no-mans-land between two rivers because sooner or later either we will have to go there to conquer it or hear of news about a skirmish in there that steers the direction of the story. While it is nice to have a repository for fans to further learn the details of your world, it becomes a bit of a chore for the average reader to read through all that geography stuff in the story itself.
Almond's chapter was really cute but he literally spent no time on Ehlly. As much as I can guess he noticed the MCs excitement and ran away from an awkward situation. But I am not yet convinced he had a valid reason for bolting like that. I am just getting the vibes that the writer doesn't know how to continue this scenario and is a bit awkward himself teehee. I might be wrong though. Would have liked it a bit more if it lasted longer.
Rod's chapter was short as well, but it is a bit understandable. He doesn't like the MC much so a conversation or interacting with him that much isn't really expected. At the end of the training after we notice his scar he says that the training went okay. I think the writer needs to work on that. For example going a bit further in trying to uncover the story of the scar. I assume no one with such a bad scar will be happy to open up, so after what it appears that we annoyed Rod for him to then go and say it was "okay" makes things a little more significant. As if he is saying he is sorry for snapping at the MC or saying it was okay for him to pry and giving the hint he'd be okay about talking more about it next time.
The Princess' chapter was okay assuming she is not datable. After all Ehlly made it clear he doesnt like females that way. Not sure if it was intended, but I get the feeling she is interested in MC. At least that's the way it rubs off the way it was written. Some more details could have been added, and some more humor inserted to show her immaturity. Not that that is very important but I like your style of writing and would have enjoyed all their chapters a bit more if they had more to offer and if Ikali's chapter had some cuts with the information dump.
I don't mean to dishearten the writer, or tell them their work isn't enjoyable. It is very enjoyable! Some VNs have their own clever way of introducing all the love interests, but I prefer this style by far. It beats VNs like Echo, and even though it seemed just as short, I still felt like I learned more about the characters than I did in a similar chapter for After Class. As I said before, not sure if it was on purpose, but awkward situations are avoided instead of confronted, even when it seems more natural to confront them (like inquiring about the scar). It can still make the story go forward in a positive direction assuming there is a creative round about mentality behind the characters (like Rod wanting to open up about it to somebody, and feeling bad about getting defensive about it. After all, he wouldnt take his shirt off if he was not ready to open up about it... At least I would think that). So don't be afraid to try and create friction with some interactions. Not every confrontation had to end up with a negative outcome, and Rod seems like the one to try it on the most.
Buddy thanks a bunch for this feedback. Means a lot to me that you took your time to write all of this, and rest assured that I'll take it into consideration. ^^
Also yeah, sorry to dump so much Info on Ikalis' part of the story, but it's really important that all the readers know this, because there will be many political conflicts that need this much data to make sense.
Wish Elly could fight back at Roderick, show that brute he's not weak and especially that Ruby and princess witch. Will there be multiple endings based on the routes and choices you picked?
Really enjoyed the VN so far! I honestly have been getting quite into it, I find myself getting angry at Roderick and Ruby on behalf of Elly, and in the end I really wanted Elly to serve Ruby a slap back, though I understand why he didn't though, heheh- Would love to see what happens in the next build!
Excellent VN! It has a lot of potential and was an insanely good read. The only problem I see is the various amount of grammatical and punctuation mistakes. Various. I'd gladly help you fix all of them, but you probably wouldn't feel comfortable with a stranger doing that XD. If you're okay with that, just let me know! Keep on fighting the good fight!
Hiya! First let me thank you for your comment, I appreciate it a lot. Second, please, if you have seen errors in the writing please let me know and I'll try to correct them, you would be helping me a lot dude.
Great! It'll take a day or two because I'll write them all down and suggestions on how to fix them. I'll write them down on Word or Notes because there's quite a few of them. I don't mean offense, but I am guessing English isn't your first language? How would you like me to send it when I am done? That's my only concern.
This is awesome, thank you so much! And yeah, english is not my first language, that one would be spanish. If you want send me a private message to my twitter and then I can give you my telegram or discord, whichever is better for you. ^^
Do you have any kind of specific kinks/fetishes that you will plan to add on later to the game, or will it be completely just SFW from start to finish?
From the way you worded that, I suppose all the kinks/fetishes will be a pretty interesting surprise later on but if it wouldn't be too much trouble to ask along with possibly not revealing too many spoilers to your VN could you possibly say whether Vore or Mpreg will be a part of this in some shape or form?
just found this game today it is a good game the story in my eyes is well written good art work to i would allmost say this done by more than one person it is put wel together.
Yes! Another VN! It may be short for the time being, but It's good so far. (Little spoiler in the next words. So, stop reading you people who have not played this) I just hope Mary gets back with Ehlly safely. Anyway, I wish you success with this project. :)
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Who's everyone's favorite? Mine is Rodrick. 😘😘😘😃😃😃
Almond and Ikalis (if he be less icy)
Spoilers ahead:
At the end of the last public build it says "Ehlly lazy dim clothes image not found" or something close to that anyway. 🙂🙂🙂
Do you really need a spoiler warning for a bug report?
I guess not, but I prefer to be cautious about revealing anything related to stuff like this. 🙂🙂🙂
Criticisms (Spoilers ahead).
Ikalis' chapter has a bit of a information dump that became a little boring to read. I would have to say after mentioning no-mans-land between the canine and barbarian kingdoms things take a dip rather quickly. If the information is relevant to the story keep it in. But if it isn't relevant then best to not mention it at all. For example I am assuming you told us about this no-mans-land between two rivers because sooner or later either we will have to go there to conquer it or hear of news about a skirmish in there that steers the direction of the story. While it is nice to have a repository for fans to further learn the details of your world, it becomes a bit of a chore for the average reader to read through all that geography stuff in the story itself.
Almond's chapter was really cute but he literally spent no time on Ehlly. As much as I can guess he noticed the MCs excitement and ran away from an awkward situation. But I am not yet convinced he had a valid reason for bolting like that. I am just getting the vibes that the writer doesn't know how to continue this scenario and is a bit awkward himself teehee. I might be wrong though. Would have liked it a bit more if it lasted longer.
Rod's chapter was short as well, but it is a bit understandable. He doesn't like the MC much so a conversation or interacting with him that much isn't really expected. At the end of the training after we notice his scar he says that the training went okay. I think the writer needs to work on that. For example going a bit further in trying to uncover the story of the scar. I assume no one with such a bad scar will be happy to open up, so after what it appears that we annoyed Rod for him to then go and say it was "okay" makes things a little more significant. As if he is saying he is sorry for snapping at the MC or saying it was okay for him to pry and giving the hint he'd be okay about talking more about it next time.
The Princess' chapter was okay assuming she is not datable. After all Ehlly made it clear he doesnt like females that way. Not sure if it was intended, but I get the feeling she is interested in MC. At least that's the way it rubs off the way it was written. Some more details could have been added, and some more humor inserted to show her immaturity. Not that that is very important but I like your style of writing and would have enjoyed all their chapters a bit more if they had more to offer and if Ikali's chapter had some cuts with the information dump.
I don't mean to dishearten the writer, or tell them their work isn't enjoyable. It is very enjoyable! Some VNs have their own clever way of introducing all the love interests, but I prefer this style by far. It beats VNs like Echo, and even though it seemed just as short, I still felt like I learned more about the characters than I did in a similar chapter for After Class. As I said before, not sure if it was on purpose, but awkward situations are avoided instead of confronted, even when it seems more natural to confront them (like inquiring about the scar). It can still make the story go forward in a positive direction assuming there is a creative round about mentality behind the characters (like Rod wanting to open up about it to somebody, and feeling bad about getting defensive about it. After all, he wouldnt take his shirt off if he was not ready to open up about it... At least I would think that). So don't be afraid to try and create friction with some interactions. Not every confrontation had to end up with a negative outcome, and Rod seems like the one to try it on the most.
Buddy thanks a bunch for this feedback. Means a lot to me that you took your time to write all of this, and rest assured that I'll take it into consideration. ^^
Also yeah, sorry to dump so much Info on Ikalis' part of the story, but it's really important that all the readers know this, because there will be many political conflicts that need this much data to make sense.
Spoiler:
I cried so much when they stabbed the MC, I'm so glad that wasn't the end. 😭😭😃😃
No way! Did you actually cry? 😢🥺
I did, but that just tells you how attached I got to the MC. Good job!!! 😭😃😃
This is another vn where ive developed a crush on all the love interests x.x
Tbh the sprite art, characters, and current plot have been my favourites
Wish Elly could fight back at Roderick, show that brute he's not weak and especially that Ruby and princess witch. Will there be multiple endings based on the routes and choices you picked?
Well, give him some time and I'm sure Ehlly will kick some ass. Also yeah, there will be many different endings.
But out of the three, I like Ikalis more
is the tree godesses are human like?
Yeah, that's the most used representation of them, but no one knows for sure.
Really enjoyed the VN so far! I honestly have been getting quite into it, I find myself getting angry at Roderick and Ruby on behalf of Elly, and in the end I really wanted Elly to serve Ruby a slap back, though I understand why he didn't though, heheh-
Would love to see what happens in the next build!
I'm really glad that you liked it mate. Thanks for reading.
Eyes not of any known color huh. 3 main characters each with different color.. I sense a multi class mc!
Excellent VN! It has a lot of potential and was an insanely good read. The only problem I see is the various amount of grammatical and punctuation mistakes. Various. I'd gladly help you fix all of them, but you probably wouldn't feel comfortable with a stranger doing that XD. If you're okay with that, just let me know! Keep on fighting the good fight!
Hiya! First let me thank you for your comment, I appreciate it a lot. Second, please, if you have seen errors in the writing please let me know and I'll try to correct them, you would be helping me a lot dude.
Great! It'll take a day or two because I'll write them all down and suggestions on how to fix them. I'll write them down on Word or Notes because there's quite a few of them. I don't mean offense, but I am guessing English isn't your first language? How would you like me to send it when I am done? That's my only concern.
This is awesome, thank you so much! And yeah, english is not my first language, that one would be spanish. If you want send me a private message to my twitter and then I can give you my telegram or discord, whichever is better for you. ^^
Liked the vn, hope there's update soon
uh the characters float a little
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Thank you! I'm really glad you liked it.
You're welcome, keep up the good work.
i really like the general direction it is taking nice job!
Thank you! I'm super glad you're enjoying it.
ahhaah no problem you are doing really good it's my honest thinking
Who are the love interests?
The story's really interesting and engaging so far. Can't wait for the rest
Eeyup. I've been waiting for an update. Thank you :)
Do you have any kind of specific kinks/fetishes that you will plan to add on later to the game, or will it be completely just SFW from start to finish?
The game will have explicit sexual content later on. As for the kinks, I'll let you guys find out for yourselves ;^3
From the way you worded that, I suppose all the kinks/fetishes will be a pretty interesting surprise later on but if it wouldn't be too much trouble to ask along with possibly not revealing too many spoilers to your VN could you possibly say whether Vore or Mpreg will be a part of this in some shape or form?
pecs job and getting cuffed for knight, pits sniffing and foot fetish for archer, and tentacle pron and getting whipped for mage kink
lastly, FOURSOME with 3 of them.
Haha there will be no extremes kinks, but I'm pretty sure you will enjoy the sex scenes. Thanks for reading!
Hey is there any update on your progress I am really excited to see more
Yep. An update is in the cooking ^^ You'll get to see more soon
Well, so far there's 10 chapters "planned" but the story is not nearly finished by that point. So maybe 20 or 25, give or take
Not yet. I'm planning on it though :^D
just found this game today it is a good game the story in my eyes is well written good art work to i would allmost say this done by more than one person it is put wel together.
i will wait for the next update
I really liked this one. Cant wait for the next update! I feel like this one will become a favourite!
(The art is good too)
Some feedback: Some of the background sounds during the night-time was a bit loud (The crickets/birds)
Thank you for the feedback. I'll check it out
Just played it and only one word is coming from my mouth AMAZING
OMG thank you so much dude
Is it just me or when Ehlly's mom was trapped under the debris, it looked a lot like the scene in AOT where Eren's mom was trapped under the debris.
I may have or may have not been inspired by that scene 😗😗
The minecraft door sound effect xD
Great work so far, certainly an interesting opening and can't wait to see where you go from here.
Yes! Another VN! It may be short for the time being, but It's good so far. (Little spoiler in the next words. So, stop reading you people who have not played this) I just hope Mary gets back with Ehlly safely. Anyway, I wish you success with this project. :)
I really liked it. it's a really good start for a good story
Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it
^^
This is good so far. I'll be finishing it an flooring forward to future updates. Good work.
Thank you so much! I'll do my best :^3
You're welcome. Take your time. :)
<3
Minor visual error, I noticed that the injury changes sides between the character sprite and the full BG image.
Oh dude you're totally right. Thanks for pointing it out :^D
its sooo good i need more
Oh i am excited to try it 🌚🏃🏽♂️🏃🏽♂️